What Does It Mean to Be Present?

What Does It Mean to Be Present?

Written by Maria Gregg, MSW, LCSW, EMDR

Words can be wonderfully complex, and "present" is a perfect example—functioning as an adjective, noun, and verb all at once. During the holiday season, we're familiar with presents: those tangible gifts we exchange. Yet a true gift is something offered freely, often without expectation of return. While I appreciate material presents, they can sometimes feel transactional and fleeting. A gift without meaning is just another object. What if the most valuable present is actually our presence—the quality of our attention when we truly connect with others?

Consider how our brains are time-traveling machines. We constantly drift away from the current moment—backwards into a landscape of regret and loss, or forwards into territories of anxiety and anticipated threats. These mental journeys are guided by narratives we unconsciously construct about past experiences and potential futures. Often, we're not even aware of how these internal stories create autopilot patterns in our relationships, preventing us from experiencing the richness of now.

Mindfulness offers a pathway back to the present. In "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics," Dan Harris defines it beautifully: the ability to observe our thoughts without being swept away by them. As we cultivate mindfulness, we expand our capacity for genuine attention. Before social gatherings, I recommend simple grounding practices—engaging your five senses, then practicing deliberate, paced breathing. This creates a crucial space between stimulus and response, allowing us to choose how we show up.

Being truly present is an act of profound respect. It means seeing others completely—not as projections of our needs, past wounds, or current frustrations, but as whole, autonomous beings. When we stop treating people as objects or means to an end, we open the door to real connection. Mutuality emerges when we say, through our full attention, "I see you—not who I want you to be, or what I need from you, but who you are right now."

Sometimes the most radical act is simply to pay attention—to ourselves and to others. In a world of constant distraction, presence becomes a gift more meaningful than any wrapped package. It's an invitation to truly meet each other, to recognize our shared humanity in this moment.

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Maria Gregg is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the state of Texas. She received her Master’s of Social Work in 2005 and has worked in various roles within the field of mental health and social work the past 20 years. Maria is certified in Somatic Attachment EMDR and uses Internal Family Systems and Acceptance Commitment Therapy in her approach.

Giving & Receiving Communication

Giving & Receiving Communication

Written By Marissa Lecaros, LMFT-Associate

As I reflect on the work I do with couples, I noticed how many times miscommunication happens or how often defensiveness comes up due to core beliefs. It got me thinking of how many couples want to connect yet at times miss the mark when communicating due to their own internal experience. In Gottman therapy that would be seen as a failed “bid” for connection. So, I thought I would share some information about the communication tool I often tell my clients about - Nonviolent Communication. 

Due to life experiences and trauma, sometimes we do not convey the message we want to get across, OR sometimes our partner may interpret it completely differently than intended. That is the duality of things - we can be having a completely different experience than our partner when we are communicating… and that's okay!

Nonviolent communication has 4 parts: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests

The idea is to clearly express how you are without blaming or criticizing, and as well empathetically receiving how you are without hearing blame or criticism. Let me explain a bit more about those 4 parts.

Observations: Sometimes we react to things and are not fully aware of what just happened; maybe it was a build up, maybe we got annoyed, maybe we felt shamed, etc. Observations can be something we notice or hear, and it can give some context into the process of our reality/experience which can then create a shared reality with our partner. When we can be aware and describe what we observe, it can take us away from right/wrong thinking and pull us into accountability, empathy, and connection. It can sound like “When I hear the TV being loud during my meeting…” Let’s talk about the next step.

Feelings: Oftentimes I hear couples say “I feel like you … (fill in the blank)”. When we say “I feel like”, most of the time we are not actually saying a feeling word and we are most likely saying a belief we have. This can create confusion for the partner that is trying to understand, and in severe cases it can cause a lack of empathy due to not being able to connect to the feeling. With feelings, we want to describe our inner experience rather than describe our interpretation of our partner’s actions. For example: “I feel lonely” describes an inner experience, while “I feel like you don’t care about me” describes an interpretation of how the other person may be feeling and may be coming from a core belief we have. We want to focus on our inner experience so our partner can understand our reality. Even if the core belief is said, that can be a moment to then say “When I say that out loud, I realize that I am actually feeling lonely and sad”. If it is hard to choose a feeling word, feel free to look at a feelings wheel!

If we were to continue the path from above it can then sound like “When I hear the TV being loud during my meeting I feel sad and frustrated because…” Next step!

Needs: Nonviolent communication is aimed to help us attempt to communicate in a non shaming/blaming way, and rather than pointing fingers it helps us be curious of how we were feeling in the moment we noticed something happen. For example, let's say your partner forgot to take out the trash after you asked them to and then you all missed trash pick up. You might be feeling frustrated and annoyed and want to say “I told you to take the trash out!” then your partner might react by saying “I was in the middle of doing something why didn't you remind me” Could you guess where this could potentially go? Let’s skip that and say we used nonviolent communication - “I noticed that when the trash did not get picked up, I felt disappointed and not heard.. I need to believe that you respect and hear me.” When we use I statements and lead with how we were feeling in the moment, we can at times receive more empathy as it is not blaming the other person for your own individual feelings. Let’s add to our previous conversation from the other steps: “When I hear the TV being loud during my meeting I feel sad and frustrated because I need to be able to focus as this meeting is important to me and I need to get a sense that I am being respected…” Next and last step!

Requests: This part I find individuals and couples struggle with the most, and it is mostly because some may see this as a demand rather than a request. To make a request, we want to ensure that we are being clear and specific, respectful, empathetic, and open to however the other person receives it. Nonviolent communication sees it as a “positive request” which just means that you are requesting what you want vs what you do not want. For example a positive request could sound like “I would like for us to spend more alone time together by going on a date once a month”. The opposite of this (requesting what you don’t want) would be “I don’t want us to attend so many social events”. I also like to highlight for clients that it is ok if you do not know what you want or need when making a request! Just by doing the first few parts you and your partner can get closer to what the request could be and work as a team. Now, let’s complete our nonviolent communication from the previous steps: “When I hear the TV being loud during my meeting I feel sad and frustrated because I need to be able to focus as this meeting is important to me and I need to get a sense that I am being respected. For the next hour, could the volume please be turned down?”. 

I know this might sound difficult to do because we are not necessarily taught to communicate in this way. It just takes practice. If it seems difficult, I typically recommend starting out with just the first 2 parts - Observations and Feelings. You can even preface it by telling your partner you are going to attempt to practice nonviolent communication. Once you feel comfortable, then you can add the Needs and Requests. If you are the one receiving communication, and you do not fully understand, no worries! Use curiosity to reflect back what you heard and ask empathetic questions. The purpose of this is to slow the process down, and get you more curious about your own internal experience and more curious about your partner's internal experiences. Miscommunication happens and that is ok, one of the biggest reasons we communicate is to feel/be connected - be present with each other and notice those bids for connection!

Book Resources: 

• Nonviolent Communication

• Say What You Mean

Marissa is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist - Associate in the state of Texas supervised by Kim Fry, LMFT-S. Her clinical counseling degree is from St. Edward’s University with a concentration in Couples and Family Counseling. 

Holding Tension: How Politics, Paradox, and Contradictions Impact Your Mental Health

Holding Tension

How Politics, Paradox, and Contradictions Impact Your Mental Health

By: Lina Guerrero, MPA, LMSW, LCDC-I

Several weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend an annual restorative justice practitioners retreat. It was located at a gorgeous resort in the Hill Country, where the hustle and bustle of city life diffused into sounds of cicadas, birds, crickets, and the swishing of large Texas oak tree leaves. I was able to see friends and colleagues who I haven’t seen in awhile, and the warm embrace of community care that enveloped us all was the balm we craved after working tirelessly in our respective fields. The motto that was deemed for this retreat was “A Place to Breathe,” and yes, it was much easier to breathe in the quiet of nature and care of restorative practitioners. However, the weight of political chaos was entirely on our minds, as only two days prior was the attempted assassination of the former president, and all of us were *feeling* the tensions, emotions, implications, and impacts of the moment.

Now, please don’t stop reading because I mentioned something political. I want to state that I have no power, answers, or authority on anything I’m writing. I am just a human being, who happens to be a therapist, deeply cares about how we navigate living in a world where life inevitably gets life-ey and people are going to do people-ey things regardless of what *I* think about it. This includes how we all navigate the current political climate in the United States, which in turn very much impacts our mental health. 

One of my favorite commentators on social media is Benjamin Faye, who constantly iterates: “You’re not crazy, everything else is.” On my retreat that week, I kept repeating this statement in my head, as it was quite obvious that we were navigating a wild moment in history where political stress and trauma were amplified, visible, and tangible in our bodies. Simultaneously, I also held the reality that political stress and trauma exists in blatant and subtle ways in our everyday lives. 

To understand this a little better, one of the most popular definitions of ‘politics’ states that it’s “who gets what, when, and how.” Currently, the political landscape is very preoccupied with who, when, and how people get what rights, freedoms, resources, safety, and access to necessities for survival. When the rights and necessities for survival are threatened here and abroad, our nervous systems activate stress responses that can be excessively overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. It’s imperative to state that these political times, along with the stressors we experience from them, ARE NOT normal. However, your anxieties, feelings, fears, hopes, and tensions in response ARE NORMAL. They are normal responses to the abnormal contexts that threaten your sense of self, values, and livelihoods. 

In many everyday circumstances (but in election seasons in particular), you may hear very polarizing rhetoric, arguments, and debates that try to place complex beings and issues into neatly categorized boxes or binaries: we are “good and bad,” Democrat and Republican, rich and poor, citizen and non-citizen, legal and illegal, safe and unsafe, White and non-White, abled and disabled, young and old, religious and non-religious, healthy and unhealthy, man or woman, parent and non-parent, “right and wrong” and so on. The truth is, as you may have felt while reading those, is that no one is completely one or the other. Everyone, regardless of who they are, holds multitudes of truths, identities, complexities, and histories, which can oftentimes be contradictory and paradoxical. 

I write all of this as a compassionate invitation, that when the stressors of the current political landscape arise, to particularly notice the various parts of yourself that come up. There could be parts that want to fight, fear, worry, or get angry. There may be parts that are more open to love, hope, protect, and defend. There may be parts that yearn for “right and wrong,” or you may want to put yourself in a position to “find where you stand.” You may find that one issue or value that is not important to you in your world can mean the world to someone else. You can take a stand for what you believe is right, and also know that someone will probably take their stand against yours. Yes, there is absolutely right and wrong, AND, there’s many right and wrongs in-between. All of these truths can exist together at the same time, and it further shows the reality that we all stand in multitudes. When we hold our multitudes with tenderness, care and compassion, we are able to hear, hold, and care for the multitudes of others. This is a beautiful thing.  

Therapy and mental health support can be a space where you can explore the themes of this blog post, particularly in this overwhelming and tumultuous political landscape. We at Colors of Austin Counseling are here to support you on that journey, no matter what multitudes you bring to the table. 

I leave you with the following quote from Pema Chodron: 

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don't deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.”

Mindful Living: Prioritizing Your Needs in Busy Seasons

Mindful Living: Prioritizing Your Needs in Busy Seasons

Written by: Alyssa Ray, LCSW

As the summer months have been in full swing, I have felt the weight of nonstop plans, summer projects, vacations, and time with family. The summer months can be full of fun and exciting adventures, but can also lead to a sense of overwhelment and exhaustion. So how do we balance all of our summer plans while keeping ourselves grounded and centered? This is where the idea of mindful living can be crucial. For me, mindful living consists of four main components: awareness, intentionality, gratitude, and sustainability. 

When thinking about awareness in the terms of mindful living, I like to think about it in two ways: awareness of the here and now and self-awareness. Awareness of the here and now is all about being present in the moment you are in. It can be hard when we are busy to not think about the next thing we have planned or the tasks we want to accomplish and that is where self-awareness is important. When we are able to practice self-awareness we can get a sense of what our minds and bodies need in that moment in order to stay present. Practicing compassionate self-awareness is allowing yourself to tune into your thinking patterns and body sensations in a nonjudgmental way. It allows you to meet yourself with curiosity and self-acceptance. The more aware we are of our environments and ourselves the more we are able to recognize when we are feeling centered versus dysregulated.

Once we are able to recognize when our minds and bodies are no longer centered, we can incorporate daily practices to help us become grounded. When we are intentional with how we spend our time and give our energy, we can live in a way that fosters calmness and connection. When thinking about mindful living, we need both awareness and intentionality. Intentionality without awareness can lead us to frustration if we are not attuned to what our bodies and minds need in a given moment. Intentionality moves us from awareness to action. It empowers us to use the information we gleaned from tuning into ourselves and our environments to make deliberate decisions about how to spend our time in a way that will honor our mind and body’s needs. When thinking about mindful living, intentionality is about creating balance in your life. During busy seasons it can feel very difficult to incorporate intentional slowness in your time because there can be a pull to “go, go, go.” I know for myself I have to be very intentional about planning moments of stillness into my day in order to keep myself centered during the busy summer months. 

One way I am intentional about keeping myself centered is by practicing gratitude. Practicing gratitude as a part of mindful living has many benefits. A daily gratitude practice has been shown to decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety, help build deeper connections, and lead to more positive outlooks on life. Gratitude can also help us to be more present and increase our awareness. A daily gratitude practice can look as simple as naming five things you are thankful for each morning. Just this small act can lead to a more mindful life and help us stay grounded among the business of our summers.

The last component of mindful living is sustainability. Sustainability is the reason we practice awareness, intentionality, and gratitude. It can be helpful to think in terms of sustainability when we are tuning into ourselves and practicing self-awareness. When we think about the busy summer months it helps to be mindful of our capacity. I know for myself it can be easy to start planning all these activities and I don’t stop to think about how filling my schedule with activities is not sustainable for me. The more self-aware I am, the more I will be able to know at that moment that I do not have capacity for what I may have planned. I can then be intentional about giving my mind and body what it needs in order to sustain my lifestyle. It can be helpful to think about what you are going to intentionally incorporate in your life to sustain you during busy seasons. 

Mindful living is all about knowing your needs and prioritizing them in the midst of business. I know that in some seasons it can feel nearly impossible to prioritize your needs. Whether it is because you have kids who are out of school during the summer and you now are responsible for entertaining them, you are working a demanding job, you’re being pulled multiple directions by different summer plans, or a different stressful situation; prioritizing your needs will allow you to be more grounded and centered. Prioritizing mindful living will allow you to be more connected to those around you and to yourself. As it is about time to transition into the new school year, I hope we can encourage each other in our journeys of mindful living.

Embracing Diversity and Intersectionality in BIPOC Mental Health: A Path to Resilience

Embracing Diversity and Intersectionality in BIPOC Mental Health: A Path to Resilience

Written by: Vanessa Newton, LCSW-S, Owner of COAC

At Colors of Austin Counseling, we are dedicated to fostering a therapeutic environment that celebrates our unique experiences, acknowledges the challenges faced by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) communities, and empowers individuals through the process of storytelling, connection and developing a sense of belonging to oneself first. Our commitment to these values is rooted in the belief that every person, regardless of their background, deserves access to compassionate, culturally competent mental health care.

Healing in the Therapy Room for Communities of Color

Diversity in therapy goes beyond recognizing differences in race, ethnicity, and culture. It encompasses a broad spectrum of identities, including gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, religion, and more. Each of these factors contributes to an individual's unique experience and perspective and our team of clinicians strive to create a safe and inclusive space where all clients feel seen, heard, and respected.

Celebrating diversity in the therapy room means acknowledging the systemic inequities that affect mental health. For instance, BIPOC individuals often face racial discrimination, cultural stigmas, and socio-economic challenges that can exacerbate mental health issues. By understanding these factors, our therapists are better equipped to provide empathetic and effective support. Beyond that, we understand that healing is not linear and does not only happen in the therapy room. It happens over the dinner table, in community, at the library and so on. It’s important to acknowledge that the act of developing a sense of belonging must extend into the spaces that you frequent allowing you practice courage and vulnerability. 

We support that process. We honor that process and if that doesn’t exist for you yet, we will help you in creating it.

The Importance of BIPOC Mental Health

Mental health within BIPOC communities requires particular attention to historical and ongoing injustices. Disparities in access to mental health care, cultural stigmas, and a lack of culturally competent providers contribute to these challenges. At Colors of Austin Counseling, we recognize the importance of addressing these barriers and advocating for mental health equity.

Intersectionality in Therapy

Intersectionality is a critical framework in understanding how overlapping identities—such as race, gender, sexuality, and class—interact to shape an individual’s experiences and challenges. This concept, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, helps us recognize that the struggles faced by individuals are not just additive but intersecting, creating unique and complex dynamics.

In therapeutic practice, applying an intersectional lens means:

• Holistic Assessment: Taking into account the various facets of a client’s identity to understand how they collectively impact mental health.

• Personalized Treatment: Developing individualized treatment plans that address the specific needs arising from a client’s intersecting identities.

• Advocacy: Empowering clients to navigate systems of oppression and advocating for broader societal changes that promote equality and justice.

Building Resilience

Resilience is the ability to adapt and thrive despite adversity. For BIPOC individuals, resilience often involves navigating systemic barriers and societal prejudices while maintaining mental and emotional well-being. At Colors of Austin Counseling, we believe in fostering resilience through:

• Strength-Based Approaches: Highlighting and building upon clients' inherent strengths and coping strategies.

• Cultural Affirmation: Validating clients' cultural identities and experiences as sources of strength and pride.

• Community Support: Encouraging the development of supportive networks within and outside of therapy, including family, friends, and community resources.

By embracing diversity, integrating an intersectional approach, and fostering resilience, Colors of Austin Counseling is committed to providing exceptional mental health care that honors the rich tapestry of human experiences. We believe that through understanding, compassion, and empowerment, every individual can achieve mental well-being and lead a fulfilling life.

For more information on our services or to schedule an appointment, please visit our contact page or email us directly at connect@colorsofaustincounseling.com. Together, we can navigate the path to healing and growth.